Friday, February 24, 2012

I miss the language.

Salam readers,

It has been such a long time I am not blogging in English. I miss the language though. Seriously. But this entry would be in English (some). Previously, my blog was in English, but back then, I try to change it in Malay, finally, it becoming Malay-like-forever. Ehem, forgive me for my previous enty 'Aku Bersyukur'. I claimed that was the last entry I've ever write until the right moment come, then I will write again.

I try to forgive people, but still, things are not the same anymore. I know it is the best way to make sure you have enough sleeping at night by forgiving, however, still I am heartbroken. I think I am quite well expressing my love in English, because its my favorable language. As my English lecturer once said, "I am good in creating a story, novel". Not to say my grammar was quite good, I am a human-being, people made mistakes, I think I love to make mistakes a lot and try to correct it by myself. 

Well you know, like you stumbled and fall, but you have to get up on your own.

I probably in the middle of nowhere. I am confused. I do not know why I still need to follow Dos' and Don't, whereas, the person does not think the Dos' and Don't of mine ? Why they do need to complain, whereby, they exactly did the same mistakes that they complained ? Why people have to be so calculative ? Why I need to care and concern what others' probably feel, but my heart, is obviously hurt ? WHY ?

Well the answer is : Group Harmony. In order to maintain group harmony, we have to care, about what people feels, what they thought, bla bla bla. Cross Cultural Management (CCM). 

Currently I'm in love with The One That Got Away song. It was so meaningful to me.

Do you know why ? Because, I feel like both of us (He and I) have to stay together, and keep loving each other, I do not want to regret for the one that got away. As we know, there is no 'time machine'. APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE, before you lost the one who loved you-like-forever.

I do love him. There is no words can describe how much I love him.

This is my blog, the place that I have a freedom to post anything. Not so many things can be described in words right. Each words that I try to convey, means a lots to me. Even though it looks usual, common to the readers, but the only one that can understand everything is me. Nobody will throw tantrum in words,  it does not bring any satisfaction, thus it will make us become more hurt somehow. Whatever in life, I feel like I have reached what I want in life - A good boyfriend, A good parents, the best siblings ever. They just completed my life. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah s.w.t. for the greatest gift. :)

One more thing that possibly can make my heart break into pieces, is, I do not know, what is friendship actually? The True Friendship exist when .... ? Whatever. I don't know.

Second thought.
Semakin lama saya menempuhi hidup ini, kepelbagaian ragam yang telah saya pelajari dan teliti. Ada orang yang hanya berkawan, untuk kepentingan peribadi, bila tidak dipenuhi kepentingan peribadi, maka, timbul pula isu mengungkit ketidak puasan hati. Itu tak cukup, ini tak cukup. Banyak orang banyak ragam. Ada orang, berkawan hendakkan kasih sayang, dan perhatian. Bila tak balas message, tak call, dikatakan kita ini, sombong. Selain itu, ada juga kawan yang inginkan perhatian, bila kawan itu tak dapat perhatian yang cukup daripada orang lain, disalahkan pula kita ini sudah berubah. Ya lah, semenjak ada kekasih, berubah itu ini. Padahal, benda sama sahaja.

Bagi saya, perubahan itu baik seandainya, ianya ke arah kebaikan. Like I said before, I've changed a lots. I know my boyfriend macam mana. I think he loves me for who I am, He really loves me. Agaknya sebab itu ramai orang cemburu. Okay thank you for those jealousy. Jangan disangka orang yang terdekat dengan kita, tiada yang cemburu melihat kebahagiaan kita. This is a serious issue. Saya pun tak faham, kenapa perlu cemburu, padahal kawan sendiri juga.

I can give you an example, *contoh* sahaja okay.

Kawan A : "Thank you hubby untuk semua hadiah yang hubby bagi pada syg, syg appreciate semuanya, syg suka semuanyaaaaaaaaaaaa!" - Wall Post Boyfriend A

Kawan B : "Show off gila minah ni, boyfriend aku bagi macam-macam tak tulis pun kt wall macam tu"

Kawan C : Entah, berlagak gila. Padahal, kita ni bagi dia macam-macam kot. Takde pun tulis macam tu kt status FB boyfriend.

Kawan D : Biarlah dia, dia happy. Kita happy sekali lah. Tak perlu nak banding-membanding. Itu boyfriend dia, dia sayang boyfriend dia. Apa salahnya. Lagipun, kita ni sebagai kawan yang baik, tak perlu nak iri hati, nak tunjuk kita ni hebat, just happy for them. By the way, aku rasa Kawan A dengan boyfriend A tu, mereka berhak bahagia, sebab aku rasa, Kawan A and boyfriend A, banyak tempuh susah senang sama-sama. Hanya mereka sahaja yang boleh memahami antara satu sama lain. Apa saja luahan hati, mereka luahkan dan bercerita to each other. Mereka tak cerita pada kita. Jadi, they have the right to be happy. Macam kamu berdua sebagai kawan A itu, kamu rasa kamu tahu betul-betul siapa Kawan A, siapa boyfriend A ? Kamu tak kenal dia dengan baik, sebab itu kamu mengata. Kamu tak tahu susah senang mereka. So, that is why you feel annoyed, menyampah. So, biarlah. Jangan ganggu mereka.

I agreed dengan Kawan D. :)

Apapun, for the time being. Sebenarnya bagi saya, kawan terbaik saya ialah boyfriend saya sendiri. I can trust him, I can rely on him. He's my friend, best friend, best buddy, best boyfriend. I can tell him, whatever I like, I dislike. He understands me very well. Okay contoh senang I bagi :

Boyfriend : Hello.
Girlfriend : Hello.
Boyfriend : Kenapa suara sedih semacam ni ?
Girlfriend : Start crying. Sobsobsob. Tell everything.
Boyfriend : Dah, shh. Stop crying okay. I don't like to see you're crying like this. I selalu ada untuk you.
Girlfriend : Thank you for being such a good listener baby ! *happy back*

Okay, fine. Kalau part kekasih saling salah faham. Contoh mudah :

Girlfriend : Hoi
Boyfriend : Hoi. Nak apa?
Girlfriend : Aku sayang kau lah bongok.
Boyfriend : Aku lagi sayang kau lah bodoh.
Girlfriend : Sorry sebab merajuk. Nak mengadu.. semalam..nangis..blablabla

See! Simple.

One more thing, don't judge. You never know who is the person. Walaupun kau boleh cakap kau kenal dia untuk 100 tahun pun, kau tinggal dengan dia? Kau tempuh susah senang dengan dia? No way man. You never know what the hell apa yang dia atau mereka alami.


P/s : Saja mencoret apa yang patut.

Much Love,
Elle Nyna.